Monthly Musings: What’s in a Name (or a Pronoun)?
How many children and youth in our church do you know by name? I learned a long time ago how important it is to learn children’s names as quickly as possible and use them. It is the primary point of contact with a child and something which says to them you are important, you are known.
It’s not a skill that comes easily to everyone…I know it took me a long time to hone it. But one advantage I found in the act of learning a child’s name is that to remember it I need to get to know them (at least a little bit) right when I meet them. (Do I still make mistakes and call kids by the wrong name? Yes. Often. But I’ve discovered that kids can tell when you are making an honest effort, and they are always willing to correct you!)
One of the things we established in CYRE this year were name tags. Not only do they give our volunteers an opportunity to learn children’s names and be reminded of them over time, but it’s become clear to me that they have another advantage. For the kids it is a clear sign that they are part of what goes on here in the church, that they belong.
Another addition we made to our program this year was providing a space for parents to indicate their child’s pronoun on our registration forms. In late November, right after reading the Story For All Ages, Monica Bennett introduced this concept to our kids and the congregation and invited everyone to take a sticker for their nametags to indicate their own pronoun. A parent of one of our CYRE kids stopped me as we exited the sanctuary and indicated that her child was a little confused and upset by the process of being asked to put a sticker indicating whether “she/her”, “he/him” or “they/them” was the pronoun they wanted to be called by the congregation. “I don’t want to be called she/her” the child said, “I just want to be called my name.” I’d argue that it is all is part of the same recognition of who we are…we all just want to be seen and known…by the right name, and by the right pronoun. And we will make mistakes. I know a number of kids who are friends of my children with pronouns that I sometimes mix up…but I keep trying, and for every time I get them right (just like calling someone by the right name), I’m living up to our first principle as Unitarians by respecting that individual’s inherent worth and dignity.
This month our service theme is Differences and Feeling Out of Place. In CYRE we will be using some various materials from the Tapestry of Faith curriculum from the UUA on Diversity, Gender, and Feeling Good in Your Body that have been highlighted in the UU World Families section in the past few years. On January 26th we will be participating in a multigenerational service which will take its name from the last line of our CYRE covenant this year: “It’s okay to be who and how you are!”
Yours in Service,
Tim