Happy New Year!
During January, we will be exploring the theme of differences, specifically those times when we feel we are out of place. Have you ever had that experience? Most of us have, at one time or another. How was it for you to feel different?
Perhaps you’ve felt like everyone around you knew something that you did not – they were all in on the secret and you didn’t have a clue! Or like you were under-dressed or over-dressed or these simply were not your people. You showed up on the wrong day at the wrong time. When you looked around, there was no one like you – short or tall or thin or fat or a person of color or someone with a handicap or in a wheelchair or wearing a hearing aid or…
Society places a value on fitting in, on being one of the crowd, of being normal, or usual, whatever that may mean. There are sometimes spoken norms or expectations for what is acceptable, but often the “rules” are somewhat obscure, perhaps embedded in broader cultural norms that form the environment in which we live. When we talk about the larger culture, we face issues of racism, sexism, ableism, and other kinds of bias that privilege the participation of some and discourage the inclusion and full embrace of others.
Some of us are more comfortable standing out in a crowd than others; some of us even relish being seen as different or unique. This often seems to be true for Unitarian Universalists, and particularly our kids! However, if it means being accepted, most of us will try to find ways to fit in – we’ll go along to get along, so to speak.
We absorb the standard and expectations of our culture. Whether we are consciously aware of them or not, these norms impact what we find attractive and what we find hard to look at or accept. Our cultures define the standards of beauty and attractiveness to which we compare ourselves and others. They lay out a template for what behaviour is acceptable and what is to be avoided or shamed.
However, there are differences that can’t be masked or hidden – when one needs assistive devices to walk, hear, see, or navigate the world, for instance. When someone is coping with mental illness. When someone is fat. When someone is neuro-atypical – their brain functions in ways that vary from the typical way brains work. Persons of color. People who bear scars or features changed by illness or injury, or whose mobility is impacted. People who don’t meet the cultural standard of “attractive” or acceptable.
To broaden our ability to be inclusive, first we must examine the unconscious (and conscious) biases we have absorbed from being involved in the larger culture. We may have learned these prejudices within our family or community, our faith or social systems. Who did you learn was “okay”? Who did you learn to avoid or ignore or fear?
Awareness of who we include and who we exclude from consideration is the first step to confronting the limitations we put on others, not because they are less than or incapable, but because they do not meet an arbitrary cultural standard of acceptability. With our awareness, we can begin to question our biases and make more inclusive choices about who we work, interact, and socialize with in the future. Who we invite to the table as equal participants in all aspects of life, without regard for the superficial (though often highly impactful) circumstances of their lives.
So, let’s start January by examining what it is we’ve learned about (frankly) judging others’ worth in the world. Who is in? Who is out? What conscious or unconscious biases do you need to confront? How will you work to become a better, more inclusive person in 2020?
This is counter-cultural work. It’s challenging, and we need to do it! It’s a part of our values as Unitarian Universalists. So let’s keep doing the work!
Love and light,
Victoria